Dear parents, siblings, family and friends supporting your loved one while in the season of Eating Disorder recovery,
My name is Jenny Wegner and over the past 17 years I have sat and eaten over a 1,000 meals with eating disorder clients while working in various outpatient and therapeutic settings. I have learned a thing or two about how to make those in recovery feel more comfortable.
I am now offering my firsthand experience with you, on how I can support you. Whether you’re a parent, a sibling, or family friends, you’re sure to find some helpful tips in this guide.
Inside the Mind of Someone With an Eating Disorder
For millions of people, Thanksgiving brings us together for fellowship, fun, and a celebratory meal to give thanks for the past year and the year ahead; however for someone with an eating disorder, this day can bring feelings of stress, anxiety, and dread.
Some may even wonder if they should skip thanksgiving altogether. Because a day that is solely focused on food can bring out tension and stress that many families do not have to think about.
With the same mentality, it’s important to realize that this day is a big deal for someone still in recovery.
Things to Consider Before the Meal
Plan the Meal Setup to Create Comfort
Think about how your Thanksgiving meal is typically served. Does your family prefer a beautifully set table with everyone seated, or do you arrange a buffet where everyone plates their meal in the kitchen before sitting down? Knowing the setup in advance can help make your loved one feel more comfortable and prepared to enjoy the meal.
Accommodate Meal Plans
If your loved one is following a meal plan that requires specific portioning, consider informing close family members who may need to know. This way, they’ll understand the importance of proper plating without drawing unnecessary attention.
Respect Privacy Around New Diagnoses
If the eating disorder is a new diagnosis and a private matter, you may want to portion the meal separately, out of view from others. This can help maintain privacy and create a more relaxed atmosphere.
Discuss Safe Food Choices in Advance
If you’re helping with portioning, talk with your loved one ahead of time about which foods feel most manageable for them. Acknowledging any “fear foods” in advance helps prevent miscommunication or discomfort when it’s time to sit down together.
Keep Food in the Kitchen
For a less overwhelming experience, consider leaving the food in the kitchen and serving it buffet style. Keeping the dining table clear of extra food can reduce anxiety and make the meal environment more relaxed.
Guidelines for the Dining Table
Avoid Talking About the Food
Though it might feel natural to comment on how delicious the food tastes, try to refrain from discussing food at the table. If you want to compliment the host, do so in a separate moment, away from the dining table, to keep the focus off the food itself.
Skip Comments on Portion Sizes
Commenting on the portions someone has—or hasn’t—taken can feel uncomfortable or intrusive. Everyone’s preferences differ, so it’s best to avoid discussing portion sizes altogether.
Respect Food Choices
Refrain from commenting on the specific items someone has chosen (or left off) their plate. This respect for personal choices supports everyone’s comfort at the table, especially for those with specific dietary needs or concerns.
Handle Leftover Food Privately
If a loved one is struggling to finish their meal, plan beforehand to address this in private. Avoid calling attention to unfinished food at the table, which can feel embarrassing or shameful. Consider discussing options for supplementing nutrition privately in the kitchen after the meal.
Keep the Meal Time Manageable
Aim to keep the meal duration around 30 minutes. If your loved one is struggling to complete their meal within this time, gently remove their plate and handle supplementation in private, so there’s no added pressure to keep eating beyond their comfort.
Avoid Announcing Fullness
Comments like “I’m so full” or “I’m stuffed” may seem harmless, but they can be triggering for someone struggling with their own hunger and fullness cues. Instead, keep the conversation focused on non-food-related topics.
Avoid Praising Someone for Eating
While it may be tempting to say “Good job” or “Proud of you” for eating, such comments can feel uncomfortable. Instead, express appreciation for their presence, saying something like, “I enjoyed having dinner with you.”
Avoid “Earning” Your Meal Comments
If you ran a Turkey Trot or exercised that morning, keep it to yourself. Comments about “burning calories” to “earn” the meal can perpetuate harmful ideas about food and exercise, especially during a time meant for celebration.
Supporting Your Loved One’s Recovery Journey
Honor Your Own Hunger and Fullness Cues
It’s natural to feel helpless watching your loved one struggle with eating. Sometimes, this might even lead you to eat more than you planned, hoping to support them in some way. But remember, you can’t “eat away” their eating disorder. As a parent, sibling, or friend, you’re not following a weight restoration meal plan. Stay mindful of your body’s needs and trust your own hunger and fullness cues.
Remember, Recovery is Their Journey
As challenging as it is, you can’t do recovery for them. They need to build a new relationship with food on their own terms. Supporting them means allowing them the space to navigate this process, even when it feels difficult or slow.
Trust the Process and the Team
Recovery can feel overwhelming, but know that things will improve over time. Trust the professionals—therapists, dietitians, and medical teams—who are guiding the process. You’re not alone in this; your support team is with you every step of the way, helping both you and your loved one navigate the journey.
Get Support From Jenny Wegner Therapy, Eating Disorder Therapist in Denver
If you or a loved one is struggling with an eating disorder, know that compassionate support is available. Jenny Wegner, an experienced eating disorder therapist based in Denver, CO, offers specialized care to clients throughout Colorado. Take the first step toward healing by booking a free consultation with Jenny, where you can explore how personalized therapy can help you navigate your journey to recovery. Reach out today and start building a healthier relationship with food and yourself.